I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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