I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
