I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
