he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
