Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm both gender and math confused
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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