Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
