Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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