so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
