I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
