If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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