so explain again why im purple
no
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
