I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
