New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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