I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
