I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
love makes seman taste better
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
