She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize