I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
