my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you didnt know i had herpes?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
