my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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