i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
