Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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