You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
