FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
