He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The air taste purple.
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