If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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