Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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