Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
