Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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