just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
