Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
