you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
