This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
