She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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