im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
