have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
