I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
