so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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