Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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