His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
