all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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