i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
