I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
