This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
