WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
