Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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