I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
