I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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