I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
