just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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