Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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