Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want nice things and good sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
