You work out of a Hotel?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
