garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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