im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
