no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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