I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
