hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
