I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
