I CAN MOONWALK!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
