508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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