what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
