There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
