How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
