Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
