just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
