Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
