it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
