yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
