it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
